oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize