I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
