Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
