Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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