At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
