seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
