He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
