I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
