Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.

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(213): View more from California

Her brother is deaf.

(214): View more from Texas

no wonder she was so good with her hands

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(317): View more from Indiana

just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

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(+45): View more from Denmark

The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I almost tased myself

(1-563): View more from Iowa

I dont think you should own that device.

(563): View more from Iowa

It's an awesome device. I love this device.

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(646): View more from New York

I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME

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