she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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