drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
