He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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