a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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