Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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