Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
