hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
