Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Boobs are out for the taking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
