I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
