we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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