I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize