i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
