Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
