I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
