Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
