We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize