I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Rumble strips road head = magical
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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