so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
