birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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