She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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