Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize