Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he thought i was a dude.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
did i walk over a car last night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
