Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
