I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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