I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
