But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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