Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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