she was so not down for the gang bang
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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