The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
