i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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