sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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