its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
zippers are such a cool invention
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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