nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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