what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
