I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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