I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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