Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
