so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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