So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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