Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
