I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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