she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
