Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
