Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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