you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
