The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
