No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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