I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
