I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
