I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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