I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
