Non-Jews are for practice
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
