I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
