Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Come on in and take your pants off
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