and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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