I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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