dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
