you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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