You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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